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Radical Happiness Blog



From Choosing Love: Moving from Ego to Essence in Relationships

choosing loveWhen we forgive our partner for being ego identified and for everything that comes with that, such as anger, unkindness, manipulation, judgment, or blame, that allows us to stay in Essence, which is its own reward and why forgiveness is actually not so hard to do. It feels good to forgive because goodness and Essence feel good. Isn’t it interesting how life rewards us for goodness, while following the ego feels really bad? Life has a built-in self-correcting mechanism!

Without forgiveness, we jump into ego identification and try to prove our partner wrong and ourselves right. Forgiveness, on the other hand, allows us to accept that our partner is in ego identification and to love him or her anyway, and this is what allows our partner to drop into Essence and out of the ego. Forgiveness allows us to stay in Essence, and it brings our partner into Essence.
Forgiving ourselves is just as important, for the same reason. To forgive yourself for being ego identified and all that comes with it requires seeing that you are ego identified, and this breaks the spell of ego identification. As soon as you see you are ego identified, you are outside of it and you have some choice—to either reidentify with the ego or not. At this point, you can decide to stop trying to defend your position. Instead, you see that your position was, in fact, the ego’s position and not yours at all! You forgive yourself for being human, and that forgiveness allows you to experience Essence.

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Being with Stressful Feelings

From From Stress to Stillness: Tools for Inner Peace: http://www.radicalhappiness.com/from-stress-to-stillness
In addition to investigating a particular feeling by asking yourself what you just said to yourself to create that feeling, you may need to take some time to be with a feeling to find out more about it and to calm it down. When the same types of feelings come up repeatedly, that means we need to spend some time with them.
Many of our feelings come from the hurt child that lives within us in our unconscious, and they come up whenever something triggers that emotional complex in the unconscious. Such feelings are healed by being with them with acceptance and curiosity, just as a good and loving parent might be with a hurt child. Without such a relationship to these feelings, they’ll continue to be triggered and are likely to be reinforced and even strengthened rather than healed, as we act them out in the usual dysfunctional ways.
Just as children need a patient, attentive, loving, and compassionate parent to soothe them when they are hurting, our feelings need us to listen to them patiently, compassionately, and lovingly. To heal and evolve, our feelings need us to just sit with them quietly, experience them, accept them, listen to them, and send love to them. This acceptance and receptivity toward feelings is often provided by a therapist or other healer or even a very good friend. But in many cases, we can provide this for ourselves.

Announcing 3 New Online Courses

28 Days to Less Stress online course: We can do a lot to reduce the stress in our lives, since stress is largely created by how we think about things and by how much we pay attention to our own thoughts—the voice in our head. This voice is a voice of fear, panic, judgment, blaming, and shaming. It pushes us, hurries us, tells us what to do and when, and disparages us. This online course by Gina Lake provides strategies that will help you disengage from such stress-producing thoughts. At the end of 28 days, you’ll have many new tools for overcoming stress and bringing more peace and joy into your life. A pdf of Gina Lake’s book From Stress to Stillness: Tools for Inner Peace is included in this course as a further resource for those who want to delve more deeply into this subject. You can register for this course and begin it at any time. Once you are registered, you’ll receive a tip or practice every day for 28 days. After you've completed the course, you'll continue to have access to all of the course materials. $25.
For more information about 28 Days to Less Stress online course, go here.
A Contemplation a Day online course: Every day for 60 days, you will receive a short contemplation by Gina Lake, in both written and audio form and set to music, for you to enjoy and ponder at your leisure. These essays and audios are intended to wake you up out of your ordinary consciousness and help you live with more happiness, love, contentment, gratitude, and awe. You will learn what true happiness is and how to experience it; what interferes with happiness; the truth about the mind and who you really are; how the egoic mind keeps you from being happy; how to free yourself from suffering; and what the experience of your true self is like. You can register for this course and begin it at any time. $35.
For more information about A Contemplation a Day online course, go here.
8 Steps for Transforming Your Relationships online course: This 8-week course by Gina Lake contains information, practices, exercises, videos, and guided meditations to help you master eight steps that will bring more love into your relationships and more happiness into your life. You will learn what you can do to get love flowing; how the ego interferes with love and happiness; how to overcome the judgments and negativity that poison relationships; how to handle the feelings that come up in relationship; how to deal constructively with anger, conflict, and differences in relationships; how to be more accepting and forgiving; how to find happiness, peace, and contentment within yourself; how to be present in the moment and to your partner; and how to experience the divine in your partner. This course is an adjunct to Gina’s book Choosing Love: Moving from Ego to Essence in Relationships, which is included in the course as a pdf. You can register for this course and begin it at any time. $35.
For more information about 8 Steps for Transforming Your Relationships online course, go here.
For information about all courses, please go here.


Can Negative Emotions Be Helpful Guides in One's Life?

Someone wrote me recently and asked some very good questions about negative emotions, so I'm sharing my answer in this blogpost.
Question: I have some confusion about the role of negative emotions. On the one hand, it seems that negative emotions aren't good guides in life, and it is preferable to move through life from an inner wisdom, from what we could call Heart wisdom. On the other hand, so-called negative emotions seem to play an important part in my interacting with others.
The other day I was driving my car, and I got to a bend and suddenly felt a surge of fear, as I clearly was going a bit too fast. I listened to the fear and slowed down. I believe it was good to experience the negative emotion, as it contributed to warning me and helped with the survival of this body and character.
Another example is that I viewed a property to rent and left feeling uncomfortable after talking to the landlord, but I rented it anyway. Three months later, I discovered that the landlord had opened my mail, entered the property when I was absent, and was hostile. It became so distressing that I had to move. Once again, it would have been useful if I had listened to that negative emotion initially.
On another occasion, I didn't listen to anger when people took advantage of me. I saw anger as a negative emotion and not a good guide. Those people continued to take advantage of me. One day I allowed the anger to express itself, and I stated firmly and confidently to those people that their actions were unacceptable. Afterwards, their behaviors stopped. I expressed my needs, and the angry energy gave me strength. Of course, I had to direct the energy constructively. But the “negative emotion” was actually helpful to me.
I'm confused. How do I decide which negative emotion is actually helpful and which isn't? It seems to me that a negative emotion that serves me is more like a positive emotion.

Announcing a New Online Course with Gina Lake

Announcing The Radical Happiness 8-Week Online Course
The Radical Happiness Course with Gina Lake has been carefully designed to provide you with a foundation for awakening and to increase your happiness through spiritual practices, a structure for doing those practices, and support, encouragement, and feedback from Gina throughout. This 8-week online course uses a combination of written text, instructional videos and audios, guided meditations, inquiries, and exercises. The practices include four types of meditation, spiritual inquiry, breathing practices, a gratitude practice, love and forgiveness practices, prayer, and others.
By committing to spiritual practices over an 8-week period, including one hour of meditation and an additional hour of other practices and activities each day, you will be forming new lifestyle habits and making changes to your brain that will have lasting effects. As a result of these time-honored spiritual practices, you will learn to move out of the usual ego-driven state of consciousness into Presence and to live increasingly from that alive, awake state. This course provides something that spiritual books and teachings alone cannot.
You are encouraged to bring an attitude of joyful exploration to the activities. Although it's suggested you examine any resistance you may have to meditating for an hour or doing any of the other practices or exercises, struggling, straining, and “shoulding” are not allowed :-) Instead, you are encouraged to find ways to do the activities that fit for you and are enjoyable and work for you. This course offers many practices and activities you will find helpful, but no one is insisting you do them a certain way or even in a particular time frame if that’s not working for you. This is your course, for you to use in a way you see fit.

This course is for you if...

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